How did I get so lucky?

There are moments I feel incredibly guilty being around people that have so little when I seem to have so much.

People wait for hours in a loud, crowded, and busy waiting room to see the doctor while I am allowed breaks throughout the day to relax, write SOAP notes, and make a coffee. 

I sit in an office with a pair of new scrubs, Nike sneakers, and a pretty purple stethoscope around my neck as I see some babies coming in wearing hand me down clothes that are always a little too big and shoes that were well loved. 

I am working with doctors who make roughly $40,000 BZ ($20,000 US) a year and are forced to take two or even three jobs to maintain a comfortable lifestyle after countless years in medical school and residency, while I will start my first career bringing in a minimum salary of $75,000 US at the age of 22. 

I am used to ordering expensive diagnostic tests like CT scans to ensure a patient does not have appendicitis, while here I am basing my diagnosis on a physical exam and at most an ultrasound if the patient's insurance covers the majority of the cost. 

I saw a young 11 year old girl with Type I diabetes who has had to suffer for the past 8 years with daily insulin shots, countless finger pricks, and a strict diet while I sit 5 feet away hooked up to my insulin pump that does all the work for me. 

I am 5,369 km away from my apartment in Staten Island but the distance between the culture I grew up in and the Belizean culture seem so much greater. 

I tried my best to bring as little as possible with me on this trip. I wanted to embrace the 'minimalist' lifestyle and feel more connected to my surroundings than my possessions. Despite the one bag I brought filled with only the essentials (t-shirts, yoga pants, 1 sweatshirt, 1 pair of sneakers and flip flops, and scrubs) I still feel like I scream "over-privileged, entitled, spoiled white American" or as the locals say, a "gringa." 

I have tried to eliminate the materialistic objects from my surroundings and I am working harder on creating strong relationships with the patients, doctors, nurses, hotel staff, and people on the streets by talking about experiences rather than things, yet it still does not feel like enough. 

Each day I am in Belize, I am tying to think less about how much money I want to make in life and think more about the quality of life I want to live. Everyone here has their own struggles, but the sense of connection with friends, family, neighbors, the environment and their country makes me want to have the same values for the people and things I love. I am so grateful for all the opportunities and privileges I have had throughout my life, but now I recognize I also need to be more thankful for all the things in life that come free. 

Every day of this trip is teaching me more than medicine; this trip is teaching me to fully enjoy life's journey.